The Golden State Warriors have signed a contract with legendary loser and cursed basketball player Chris Webber. The Warriors are in desperate need of a big body to rebound, and after unsuccessful attempts to sign other washed up big men like Brian Grant and Vlade Divac, the Warriors have run out of options.
 
"Yes he's old, yes I still dislike him, yes he cursed this franchise for 15 years, but we'll take anything we can get at this point" spoke Coach Don Nelson. "I realize he's 47 years old, has had micro fracture surgery and can't jump over a dime at this point in his career, but Webber can still come into the game and foul opposing players without receiving criticism because most of the league feels bad for him."




Webber has had a storied career which started when he called a phantom timeout and cost Michigan the National Championship in 1993, and ended last season when he ruined the team chemistry in Detroit and the Pistons were eliminated by Cleveland in the Conference Finals.
 
"We are well aware of his emotional baggage and failure to produce championship quality basketball, but we're the Warriors, and not the Spurs, so just getting to the playoffs is an accomplishment for us" said Coach Don Nelson. "Besides, Shawn Kemp was not available."
 
Some Warrior players seemed optimistic about the signing of Chris Webber, including young guard Monta Ellis. "I think it's great we're signing Chris Webber" spoke Ellis. "Now when our team goes out to dinner at Sizzler, he can get us the senior discount."


***This article is a satire